Guilty Pleasures

• Tequila
• Fast Women (Jennifer Crusie)
• The Williamsburg Novels
• Damien Rice – 9 Crimes
• The Wicked soundtrack
• Jericho
• Grey’s Anatomy – McDreamy, McSteamy, the whole thing is McYummy
• Old Christian Slater movies
• Birthday cake for breakfast
• Audiobooks in the middle of the night
• Suzanne Brockmann’s fabulously decadent SEAL books (her dialogue is so realistic it’s scary)
• Whole seasons of CSI (Las Vegas, Miami or New York) on DVD and watching them all in one marathon day
• Mighty Kid’s meal with a double cheeseburger!

            I am a great writer…..
      

I
am not sure of the politics, legalities and politeness of quoting from
another blog or forum, however I feel led, so if I offend or break the
rules, I apologize and welcome the feedback/slapped hand, etc.

I have been reading the "Taking it Seriously" thread in the absolutely amazing Cherry Forums (cherryforums.com
under The Writing Life) and I have to say in my writing life, which
began when I was about five years old, I have never been more inspired
or felt more empowered.  Reading those posts has been akin to those
Sundays when you find yourself sitting in the pew stiffly, refusing to
look left or right, sweating and shaking because you are convinced that
somehow, somehow the rector has been reading your diary.

To quote Lani:
"Greatness
is subjective, fine. But it doesn’t matter that anyone else thinks
you’re great. It matters that you think it. That doesn’t mean that your
greatness takes away from mine or Jenny’s or Katy’s or anyone’s. It’s
your own personal greatness, existing only for you. Why shouldn’t you
claim it?

There’s
a lot under the Great Writer rock than just how you feel about
yourself, but you have to lift it in order to find it all. So do it.
Ellen, you’re a great writer. There’s no reason in the world why you
shouldn’t be able to say so, unequivocally, without modifiers."

I know
that I have been guilty of the over-modesty which manifests itself as a
harsh and inhibiting editor and critic.  I have sat at my keyboard, or
with my notebook before me wondering how I could "presume" to write
something that is BIG and bold and bawdy and glorious.  That crippling
modesty has acted as a captor, a prison guard, not allowing me to write
what I was meant to write, not allowing me to be who I am meant to be, not allowing me to stand up and say, I am a writer, in fact, I Am A Great Writer!.  So, a heartfelt thanks is due to Jenny Crusie and Lani Diane Rich and all of the Cherries.

So,
I am now prying up that rock to find all of the wonder that is under it
and I am going to write.  Because that is what I do.  Yipee!!!!!!!!

   

autumnjournal                     Then why do I waste so much time researching…?         Not a single creative word has been written in 2007.  How sad. Why do I do that?

If I had to live my life again….

       

"If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes – only sooner."
~ Talullah Bankhead

Remember
to value the richness of the tapestry that is you. You would not be as
deep or multi-faceted or as wise without the lines around your eyes and
the bruises on your soul.

Tags: life

Who I Am

            Who I am
       

I
have lost me in recent years. I appreciate the fact that my adult life
has not been easy. I have said before and I firmly believe that I am a
better person now than I was as a very young woman. I appreciate so
much and take so much less for granted at this point in my life. Which
is good.

But I am lost.  I know some basic truths about me:

• I am a writer and I want to be a storyteller
• I have a deep and abiding faith
• I have a sensuous nature ~ I feel and taste and breath in my world
• I am a mother, daughter, granddaughter and niece and I was once a wife and likely will be again
• I am friends with my ex-husband, the father of my children and I am inordinately proud of that
• I love making a home for my family although I have not always been proud of my accomplishments in this role
• I am a  good employee, but do not want to be one forever
• I curl in on myself and exist instead of living when I am blue (now)
• I have been lonely much of my adult life because I am afraid
• I am TIRED of existing and being afraid!

I am ready to take steps, cautious as they may be.

• Get up! – No more hibernating
• Plant
• Fix something every single week
• Write every single day
  • Voice Class
  • Story
  • Blog
  • Journal
• Be creative in additional ways
  • Cook
  • Sew
  • Play with media
  • Practice the piano and the guitar
• Stop the stress eating (she types while reaching for the soft, warn sugar cookie lying on a plate beside the computer)
• Move!